Ladies and Gentlemen: I feel a blog coming on. I'm not sure what this is going to be, and I've written many unpublished blogs in trying to figure myself out since my last post, but I think I'm ready.
I don't want to blog about the successes in my life. I don't want to be a fair-weather blogger. We all like to paint a pretty picture on social media. I'm as guilty as anyone. I think it's important to take it in with a grain of salt. People never magnify the hard times in their life, (with the exception of the drama queen we all are friends with on Facebook.) which brings me to whatever this blog is going to be about.
Oh, where to start. Let's talk about the silence of God.
This is something I've been really struggling with, to be honest. I feel like the Lord has given me a dream, confirmed it, and then turned out the lights and just let me think on that for a while...months. Looking back, it's not a big deal. I have no problems, simple as that. I am so blessed.
But during this time, I felt like even when I was seeking Him in the morning, He was silent.
I remember days where I was--and sometimes am--thinking "God! I'm searching for You! I'm trying to be near to You and do Your will and I'm hearing nothing!" Can I just be raw? "Is this all I get from You?! Here I am trying to be with You and know You more and You're not even speaking to me!"
I'm not saying that I'm on the other side. I'm not saying I'm out of the dry season. But The Lord spoke such a word into my heart, saying "Cherise, don't ever let the storm you're facing keep you from seeing that I am walking with you." The lyrics to this beautiful song crushed me: "You carry us, carry us when the world gives way
You cover us, cover us with Your endless grace Your love is relentless. You won't relent."
I was slapped awake today that I do not have a storm, a problem, or a trial. I am so, so blessed. I'm thankful for everything that the Lord has given me. And He's given me so much.
In conclusion, (there goes my college girl writing) I was...disappointed with Jesus--the audacity I had to resent that He wasn't making things go my way--until I got hit in the face that if Jesus never does another thing for me ever again, He has done enough.
So now, what have I been doing since my last appearance on this blog? I've just graduated high school and I'm working on my degree. I'm almost halfway through by dual enrolling. I work at the barn. I live a normal girl life.
The only really exciting thing I've been doing has been traveling to the Caribbean with Momma touring Sandals and Beaches resorts, (I'm in the process of becoming a Sandals agent.) and I've been dubbed the official sounding title: Social Media Director, which is fancy for I like to tweet in a beachside Cabana at the Bahamas.
Everything is just senior girl normal. New York is still my passion. Modeling is still what I feel like I'm called to do, but in anything, there's a time and place, and right now, timing is everything. I do modeley stuff here in Atlanta, but I'm in the process of growing just like anybody else.
I just want to be content like Paul. I'm thankful. I have days where I wish that God would just hurry up and bring me out of this season of waiting, but if this brings me closer to Him it's worth it.
I consider my home church Newspring, I love being a part of Passion City Church, and I'm an avid lover ofThe Voice if my twitter feed doesn't already scream that with tweet-ups. (I knew Danielle would win!) I've said all that I feel like I can. But there's no pretty bow to tie this post up. This is not a pretty story of my 'next big thing', this is just me filling you in on the lows as well as the highs, and what's really going on.
I'm Cherise. Here's what I've learned. I'm done.
Thanks for listening.